?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Single Parents' Journal
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 40 most recent ones recorded in Single Parents' LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 -- Next 20 >> ]
Thursday, October 30th, 2008
4:51 pm
[lil_mouse]
My boy
Hey all, i haven't updated probly going on a year now was bout this time last year i found out i had lost what would have been my 2nd baby.I have dealt with it the best i can but i am thinking of going and seeing someone talk bout it and sadly it isn't the only bad thing that had happened the past year.anyway........
Things have finally started getting better for me and my son we r back renting a gorgeous place with my brother and things r really settling down well for now. My son jack turned 5 on the 31st august he is growing up way to fast!S seeing as he is 5 and he has grown mentally and physically in the past 5 months he is actually going to school next year.In fact he is completely 100% enrolled for kindy next year,I am even taking him to the school readiness 2 hours sessions they r having at his school it runs for 4 weeks but we have already been to 1 so 3 to go.Last week did not go well he didn't wanna join the kids on the floor,sing songs or do the activities that they were doing but the moment it was time for all the kids to go outside with just the kids and the 2 kindy teachers he was like a puff of smoke just took of with his morning tea and stood with the other kids.I am guessing he was just freaked out by all the adults plus kids in the one place it got to him i am hoping by the end of the 4 weeks though he will be fine.I know he is looking forward to school though he asked when i was going to be leaving him there lol.
This whole school thing is really new for me and i can't even ask my mum coz things have changed so much since we all went to school, i am trying to take one step at a time.I have a lot of things to buy for him before he starts though like his uniform,school shoes,school hat,backpack,library bag and this is just things i know of so i am starting to freak out a little.Also i kinda imagined when the day came me and his dad would be taking him to his first day i know jack hasn't seen him in 2 years now but still in the back of my mind still thought we would be u know.I know it will all be ok in the end but with all the stuff i need to get and figure out it really comes down to the fact my lil man is growing up way to fast and i swear i am gunna be one of those mums that cry on the first day leaving my kid.

well better go, sorry if this doesn't make sense was just kinda a thing i needed to write and if any one would get it well u guys would get what i am going through.

Current Mood: complacent
Monday, October 13th, 2008
9:36 pm
[foxxxieroxxxie]
Co-parenting..??..!!...
I'd appreciate any suggestions!!

Son - aged 5 Braidyn
His dad -Jamie
Moi - mother
Youngest son aged 2 - Dru

Jamie & I have shared custody of Braidyn. He lives with me half the time and his father and his girlfriend half the time. I am having great difficulty with Braidyn when he returns from his dads. It feels like I just get him turned around & he goes back there.  They have different activities there than I do at my house. Mine are things like colouring, playdough, Learning games, card games and a half hour pf computer time a day.  We also have a Wii but it only comes out when its raining or we have company. When I ask him what he did at his dads his answers r play games on the computer or the x box.  Jamies girlfriend also has 2 sons (not jamies) that are a bit older than Braidyn. Braidyn often complains of them taking his things or picking on him. I have tried to talk to Janie about what the rules are there and he talls me its none of my business. I cant afford a lawyer to go back to court, I'm not even sure I could.?.  The talking back and picking on his brother get worse every time!!.. Feeling like I have NO CONTROL..

Very frustrated mom!!

Current Mood: bitchy
Thursday, October 9th, 2008
10:51 am
[bburnell]
Quick Update
Quick update on my case. Talked to a lawyer yesterday. He said the child abuse charges won't stick. There's just no proof. I called CYS (on her and myself). They are supposed to get back to me in the next 2-9 days. I want them to come over, talked to the other kids, and check out the house for "abuse." I want my name cleared and this documented that these allegations are "unfounded." Lawyer called her lawyer to see if he actually filed a petition as he claims. No answer. If he did, we ride that in and counter sue with this new information of what she's done. If he didn't we petition ($125 on my part). So hopefully things will go pretty fast from here on out. My 13 y/o daughter is currently with my dad and step-mom and seems to be doing well. I called her and she talked to me. She seemed to be doing well and was pretty happy. We are going to see her tonight and take her blankets, stuffed animal frog, and more clothes for her. Her sisters miss her immensely. I would think the fact that the other sisters live with me may have an impact on custody proceedings. Anyone know that for sure?

On a separate note, my 19 y/o has sent me a text, called my house, cell, and work phone, as well as email me with what is essentially the same question...

"Dad, I found out I could get in trouble for my part in this. Are you going to press charges against me too?"

I am going to ignore her for now and let her stew and worry over this. Hopefully she will realize lying to the police for her mom was just plain wrong and how manipulative and deceitful her mom is.

On a side note, the Social Security fraud I have her on would go something like this. Apparently my ex would be investigated for fraud, but my 19 y/o would get the worst of it since she received the money when it wasn't to go to her (or her mom) but to the legal custodial parent/guardian. Any thoughts on whether I should pursue this or not?

Thank you so much to all who are praying and sending wishes for me and my family. I appreciate it. Please don't think I am ignoring you if I do not reply to your post. I am a little preoccupied now with this! Please know I read them all and appreciate it. If anyone would like to contact me directly, I can be reached at bburnell4@comcast.net

Thanks!
Brett

Current Mood: stressed
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
3:38 pm
[feyqueen]
Ok, so I haven't posted a complaint (or anything else for that matter) about my ex for well over a year in my LJ. But this has me so p*ssed off I'm going postal.

Ok, so he is supposed to pay for half of my son's preschool tuition. Three weeks ago, I called him reminded him that tuition is due October 1st, and that he could either give me the cash that Saturday when he came to see my son, or he could mail me a check.

He didn't bring the cash with him for that visit; said he would mail me the check. Last Monday, I called him because I had not rcvd the check yet. Turns out he had forgotten to mail it. I implored him as politely as possible to put the check in the mail ASAP since I had to pay tuition on Friday.

Friday rolls around.....no check. So I did not pay tuition, figuring the check would be in the mail over the weekend, and I could pay tuition on Monday.

No check Monday. School sends home note reminding me of overdue tuition. I write check Monday night, thinking that surely the check will come in the mail Tuesday. I can deposit it Tuesday, drop off tuition check Wednesday when I take small boy to school. But guess what? NO CHECK ON TUESDAY EITHER. I called him yesterday. Conversation went as follows:

Me: You did put the check in the mail, right?
Him: Yeesssss (you can just hear the eyeroll over the phone) I told you I'd send it....
Me: So why don't I have it yet?
Him: (backpedaling) oh, uh, yeah, I forgot, it got returned to me because I addressed it to your street address and not your PO box
Me: (gritting teeth) why would you do that? You know the post office will only accept mail addressed to the box number. You've sent me stuff before...
Him: I forgot. I addressed the envelope before I had my coffee.

?!?

So he offers to wire me the money. He goes on Western Union's webiste, discovers that they have a station at the convenience store down the block from me. Says he will call me back with the transaction number. After waiting 2 hours, I text him asking what's happening. He says website won't take his card, he needs to call his bank. I'm thinking, Oh great, he spent the frickin' money he was supposed to send for his son. An hour later, he texts me a transaction number. So I take it to the convenience store that he said he wired the cash to. They tell me they don't do wire transfers there. By now I am livid, but late for soccer practice.

After soccer practice, I stop by the local chain grocerry store, where they do indeed do WU wire transfers. They ask me to fill out a form with the transaction number and the amount I'm supposed to recieve. So I call the ex yet again to confirm amount:

me: How much cash did you send?
him: I could only send $50
me: That's all you're supposed to send.
him: I thought I was supposed to send $60 a month?
me: No, his tuition is only $102.


Later, it hits me....The reason the website wouldn't take his card is because he didn't have enough money for what he was trying to send. Which also means that if I had actually rcvd the check, IT WOULD HAVE BOUNCED. Also, he thought I was expecting $60.....he only sent $50, and wasn't going to tell me that. If I hadn't called to confirm, he'd have never told me.

I honestly dont know why I rely on him for ANYTHING. He can't even pay child support on time. Even with the state garnishing his wages, he can't be reliable, because he loses his damn job every 6 months. And he acts like I'm the bad guy for demanding that he help support his son. You know, if it were just me he was sending money to, I wouldn't be half so mad. But it's his son. HOW CAN HE BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE ABOUT HIS OWN SON????

Grrr. Stoopidstoopidstoopid.

ok. end rant.

Current Mood: somewhat vexed
10:07 am
[bburnell]
Update...
I'm at home today. Migraine and digestive problems (probably from the stress). 13 y/o is safe at my dad's until legal proceedings continue. Cops were "on my side" until they once again, alleged child abuse with no proof. I just don't get it. Going to see lawyer at 4:00 today. Calling Childline on her. (Childline is the PA statewide CYS #).

Current Mood: depressed
Monday, October 6th, 2008
10:40 pm
[bburnell]
HELP!!
Please pray for me. My 13 y/o daughter (from the earlier post today) was "kidnapped" by my 19 y/o daughter and ex and she refuses to give her back to me. The police are involved but say their hands are tied until I can get a copy of her conviction from the District Attorney tomorrow. I am SO stressed and anxious!

From now on, I will never trust my oldest (19 y/o) daughter again. The cops told me that the 13, 19, and my ex all "accused" me of child abuse. That is f**kin bull sh**! He says they are not going to press forward with that (probably because it's not true). I am so distraught!
2:04 pm
[sweeteilatan]
Hi
Im my name's Natalie. I just joined so this in an intro type thing. Im 21 and i have one daughter Charlotte who's 9 weeks today. I was a fulltime college student but now im taking a break to be a SAHM.

My daughter's father, Chris, and I broke up a few weeks before i found out i was pregnant last November. I was going to tell him in person but someone else told him so he asked me if i was pregnant in December. I told him yes he fed me some story about how he wanted to get back together and all that jazz. Then he was arrested last february for stealing and we started talking while he was in jail. He got out the end of April and i saw him for a night and a day. He get to feel the baby kick and was really excited. Then about 3 days later he was drunk and i guess stole something again...I never got the whole story. But while he was in jail the tried him for a car accident from May of 07. His problem is he's an alcholic. He knows it but he still needs a push to get more help. I talk to him all the time and send him pictures. He went to prison 2 weeks ago and should hopefully be getting out by April at the latest. I know he's not good to have around the baby but he has no one supporting him or there for him except for his sister. His mom's an alcholic/drug addict. He had a horrible childhood and he didn't have a father figure in his life.

I gues that was a little to much info lol Umm... yeah

Natalie<3

Current Mood: calm
2:14 pm
[0fashist0]
Hi there...I guess this is an intro post with a couple of rants and questions. My name is Fash, I'm 21 and I have a 15 month old named Joel. I left his dad in late August and moved back in with my mother. His dad was always great with him when we were together, we took care of him pretty equally, depending on how much each one of us was working a certain week. Now that we're not together anymore, he seems to be taking no interest in him whatsoever. The first month I would drop Joel off at dad's apartment on the way to work (I generally work from 7pm-7am) and he would bring him to me in the morning on his way to work. In the past month, though, he hasn't seen him more than a few days. He has no phone now because he didn't pay the bill, and most of the time if I try to drop Joel off on the way to work, his dad isn't there. He has two roomates now in his one bedroom apartment, so you would think he would be able to help me out with expenses, but he always complains that he's out of money...and yet at the same time says that his first roomate only pays $100 rent and the other one isn't paying rent this month because he "has to help them out". He doesn't know either of these guys--they're friends of his brother--and yet he can help him out while I'm over here trying to figure out how to buy the things my son needs while splitting the bills at my mom's place and buying all the food for 7 people, as she isn't receiving child support either.

And now I don't think I'll be able to let Joel go with him anymore at all without supervision, because I left him with his dad on Saturday night and he drove him over to my house on Sunday night, completely drunk. I'm just so pissed off at him that I don't know what to say. In some ways I'm completely terrified of being a single parent and hurt that I feel like I was making a good decision marrying him, but was really just continuing the tired legacy of deadbeat dads and single parenthood that plagued my grandmother and mother...but at the same time it feels very liberating. I'm no longer deluding myself that I can save him from his alcoholism or his bad childhood, and I'm no longer fighting against his paranoia and his desire to control me.

One problem that I have, though, is that my soon-to-be-ex husband does not speak very much English, and neither do any of his family members except for the older kids. When we were together, we spoke Spanish at home. Now, I am living with my mother, and neither she nor any of my siblings speak Spanish. I try to speak Spanish to him as often as possible, but it's difficult to do that all the time because I don't want to leave people out. I'm afraid that, with his dad barely seeing him, he's not going to learn Spanish and won't be able to communicate with his dad's side of the family that is here or in Mexico. Has anybody ever been in this situation, or have any advice?

Thanks for reading.

10:30 am
[bburnell]
Problems Continue...
I posted a few weeks ago about this. This morning this happened.

My 19 y/o (who was raped by mom's cousin - Mom and cousin were jailed a few years ago), took my 13 and 15 y/o daughters to their mom's place to go shopping (an hour away). She asked if they could stay overnight at the daughter's place and then take them to school this morning. I said ok. This morning they showed up to get their stuff in their mom's car. I asked the 13 y/o if they spent the night at their mom's and she said yes. In fact she said that "she was with her sisters" Thus, indicating to me she knew it was against my wishes.

Now, I had specifically said and made all three of them promise:
A) They were not allowed overnights at their mom's house.
B) Their mom was not to be shown where I live.

The 19 y/o says she "didn't know" which is a lie. Then she said she "misunderstood" which is also a lie. I asked her numerous times to promise me no overnights weeks ago. In fact it was to the point she got upset with me and boldly stated "I understand!" I know the 15 y/o knew. If the 19 y/o was refusing to take them home, they should've called me.I don't think I can trust any of them anymore. The 19 y/o's fiance even told me on the phone that they wouldn't be back until late last night and asked if they could stay at their place overnight.

Am I overreacting?

I have pretty much told the 19 y/o that she can only see her sisters with supervision (like her mom now). I'm now also worried that their mom will try and rob my place or do something (she's done it before).

I had to cancel my plans last night because of this, but I wanted the kids to visit their mom if they want to. I am worried that my kids will hate me, but I would rather they are safe than love me.

The ex has also filed for disability and I got it for the other 2 kids. She filed for disability for the oldest daughter for when she was 17-18, when I had custody. It was almost $1,000 and she did give the money to my daughter, but it is Social Security fraud, isn't it? I'm worried if I turn her in (she's on parole now), that the kids will hate me for putting her mom back in jail.

Any thoughts welcome. I am so frustrated and angry!!!

Current Mood: angry
Monday, September 29th, 2008
4:46 pm
[sweetpeatn]
This article is from Alec Baldwin's new book. I'm tempted to buy it when it comes out. A lot of what he says in the excerpt hits home. I've been both the non custodial and non custodial parent during a very expensive and painful divorce myself.

There is some insight here and hopefully all parents involved in a messy divorce can learn from it.


link
Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
2:16 pm
[kaylakinsz]

i'm new here, so i decided i would introduce myself. 

i'm 19 years old and 20 weeks pregnant with my first.  i am currently in a stable relationship with the father of my baby, however i will be a single parent for the most part, as we live half an hour away from eachother.

Saturday, September 13th, 2008
12:35 am
[zoubs]
How on earth did you transition from supporting a child with two parents, to one?

I'm in a long-term relationship at the moment with my babys father that I honestly do not see changing for the better. I would not consider leaving my babys father under normal circumstances, however, the fact that the father spends more time away from her partying/doing coke and various other drugs, leads me to believe I could bring her up on my own, in a much better environment. I just don't know what to do and I'm completely lost.

Yes, I do have family in the area, however, I wouldn't rely on them for much support. This stemming back from my rather rocky relationship I've had with my mother ever since I could remember, so I'm opting to do this on my own.

Any encouraging words and support would be greatly appreciated.
Thursday, September 11th, 2008
9:00 am
[bburnell]
Question
I don't post here often, but here goes. I am 39, male, and I've had full custody of all 4 of my daughters for about the last 5+ years. The oldest is 19 now and out of the house (pregnant in fact!) The third oldest child is about to turn 14 and really want to see her mom. In fact she has said she want to live with her mom. I'd like some comments (good or bad) on everyone's feeling on this. First here's a rundown of their mom. The oldest three share this mom. The youngest has a separate mom and a whole different case of problems, but those are under control for the most part.

In 1995 (we were separated), she left them alone for 2 days in the summer to fend for themselves at ages 1, 2, and 6. Her neighbor called the cops and they came and got the kids. She then told the police that "she didn't know who the fathers were or where they lived" and they were taken to foster care. Now, I lived next door to her (literally) at the time. I called them and got everything straightened out (showed them their birth certificates, etc). She went to jail for 30 days and was on house arrest for 60 more. When she got out, they gave custody back to her even though I had just taken care of them for the past month.

Fast forward and between that time and around 2002, she went to jail for 10-11 more times for theft and other things. I tried to get custody, should CYS the pictures of their bodies and the abuse marks. Nothing happened. At the end of 2002, she went to jail for embezzlement. I immediately went and got the kids from her then husband, she fought me for custody and I won. She just wanted visitation. I then found out from my oldest that she had been raped by the mom's cousin's husband from the age of 6-12 (she was 14 then). I got the police and D.A. involved and we went through court. The rapist was given 7-10 years. Her mom was given 26-54 months because my daughter told her this was happening, and she not only did nothing about it but continued to put her in this situation for it to happen over and over again.

At that time, I was over $12,000 in child support arrears (York County, PA essentially thought I should pay 73% of my income to her for these kids and they can only take 55% of my paychecks). So for 2 1/2 years, I was paid no support because I was paying off my arrears. Fast forward to early 2007. Because she was convicted of child endangerment and endangering the welfare of a minor, she lost all legal and physical rights to the kids. At that point she had 1 hour supervised visitation that she did not use once in over 3 years. She paid no support even though we had an order and eventually they brought her in for enforcement. She says she is disabled, has a doctor's note and they drop the order. At this point she is over $8,000 in arrears to me.

Now, to present day. She is finally getting disability and I will be getting it for the kids now, but she is still over $7,000 in arrears and her order is for $25.00 every other week. Now, the oldest forgives her mom and goes to see her all the time. I don't get that. In fact, she now states that she "doesn't know" if she told her mom or not that she was being raped. I've given their mom at least 3 chances to see her supervised with me over the past 3 months. She's agreed to a day and then cancelled or just said she can't because of one excuse or another. She keeps telling the kids lies about how she is on life support (which I found out was a gastric bypass operation), and trying to make them feel guilty. Two of the kids think that she "has changed" but trust me, she hasn't!

About last April, she tried to get custody of the youngest from me. I told them no way and in fact they agreed with me for two reasons. 1) The kids haven't lived in York County for over 2 years and 2) She was convicted of "Child Endangerment" which automatically supersedes any custody/visitation order. What the court told her is that she has to re-file in my current county. If she indeed wants visitation, let alone custody, she has to go through a court-ordered psychiatrist to make sure she is "ok." The mediator did say though that since she is 13 (almost 14), that abuse and endangerment would not be as big of a deal since she is older and can do something about it. As of this writing, she has not filed in my county but her lawyer has tried to get me to sign off on 50/50 custody, of which I ignored him.

The question is what do I do? I realize my daughter wants to see and know her mom. I think she was too young to really know what happened. I also know I would never forgive myself if the same thing happened to her as the other daughter. Now, if she really cared about those kids wouldn't she have A) taken better care of them throughout their life, B) tried to support them financially, C) visited with them at least once or twice (or more) in 3 years, and D) re-filed a.s.a.p. in the new county?

My thoughts are to let her spend a significant amount of time with her mom with the oldest (19) taking her there and supervising. If all goes well, I will let her spend nights there with the oldest as well. Custody to me is out of the question unless I am court ordered to give her up. Both of our younger children are on Honor Roll now and the one in high school is in college prep courses (she can't stand her mom and wants nothing to do with her). I took them out of an inner city life and put them in the suburbs. Her mom now lives in the suburbs and is remarried. He has no kids and she had no other kids but ours.

Thanks for your time!
Brett

Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
9:31 am
[mummoth]
What do you do?
I was at a parent education meeting last night (it's part of the requirements for my daughters preschool) and the topic was sibling rivalry. An interesting question was raised; When your kids get into a fight, who do you go to first? The 'perpetrator' or the 'victim'? Old school was to punish the perpetrator... newer thinking is to not give the perpetrator attention for the negative behaviour, and focus on the 'victim'. I know those terms are sort of weird, but just for clarity sake, and because I can't think of anything better, I'm going to use them :-p

The speaker at the meeting had an interesting perspective on how to handle it. She's the now-retired teacher from when my son attended the preschool, so I've seen her do this, and it works well... I just never really thought about it...

She said, unless the victim is in urgent need, to focus on the perpetrator, and say "You need to fix this!" She said the result was the victim feels vindicated (ha! she's in trouble now!!) and the perpetrator feels empowered. The grown up believes they can make it better! In her experience, the perpetrator usually says "Sorry" because thats what they've been told to do, and she turns to the victim & asks if they feel better. If the victim says "Yes", they run off & resume playing, but if he says "No" she tells the perpetrator that there's still a problem, and asks them if there's anything else they can think of to fix it. If they've stolen a toy, this is usually when they'll give it back... or if they can't think of anything, she suggests a way to make amends, even if it's "maybe he needs to hear you're going to be a better friend" Basically, it's just helping the kids develop problem solving skills.

Anyway, I just thought that was pretty cool & something to think about. What I've been doing is giving the victim my physical attention (cuddle, hug, whatever) while taking away a privilege or giving a time out to the perpetrator. Though, time outs here usually take the form of "You seem pretty angry/frustrated, maybe you need some privacy/quiet time for a while" My son likes to go outside, my daughter likes to mope in bed.

How do you handle conflict between your kids? Is rivalry a common occurrence in your home? Have you noticed any changes in their behaviour toward each other since you became a single parent? Did it unify them or are they more competitive for your attention? What sort of things do you do to make sure everyone is treated fairly?
Sunday, September 7th, 2008
10:27 pm
[nimrodjess]
A dilemma
I'm dating someone who is not the father of any of my children, and we have run into a dilemma.

He lives in Overland Park, KS, and I live in Omaha, Nebraska. He works a very well-paying job for a wireless company, and I work a crap retail job that is easily replaced... but I have 3 kids, and it's a 3-hour-away move.


I've already talked to the dads and they are both VERY supportive. The father of my younger two is even considering moving to KS to be near us, which is awesome. I'm in the process of nailing down where I want to live, then I need to get a sitter, doctors, job, etc. Then I will make the move in March or April.

Does anyone have any experience moving a distance with kids? Anything I should consider before I jump into this that I am missing out on? Advice, etc?



ETA:

If I hadn't thought long and hard about this, I wouldn't be considering it. No, he isn't a rebound. And it saddens me that this has gone from supportive help, to suggesting I need birth control. Perhaps we should try to learn a few things about a person before making assumptions?

Now then, if there are any other questions about my personal life, my sexual partners, or my intentions with this relationship, feel free to comment on my personal journal.
Saturday, September 6th, 2008
11:27 pm
[lizbeth37]
What are your tips?
I was grocery shopping today and found Campbell's Select Soup on sale 10 for $10! Not only that, but I had a coupon for $1 on one which the store doubled. I've never been a big fan of coupons but with my grocery bill rising every month, every penny counts. When it comes to snacks, I make my own mixes (like Chex mix) and measure a cup or two into a ziploc bag. When mine want a snack, they just grab a bag rather than eating an entire large container of Goldfish.

What are your money-saving tips? (not necessarily groceries but other ways as well)

Current Mood: inquisitive
Friday, September 5th, 2008
12:16 pm
[mummoth]
Dilemma
This morning, my 4 year old had a Meet-the-Teacher. In the course of the conversation, the teacher made reference to 'mommy and daddy' and Caitlin said "I don't have a daddy!" very matter-of-factly. I' don't know when/if I should be correcting her on that. She *does* have a dad, but hasn't seen him for over a year, and I'm not sure how much she remembers of him. Is it important to reinforce to her that she *does* have a daddy, she just can't see him right now? At what point do I let that go?

Kevin (their father) isn't allowed to see them because there's a no-contact order in place. He's apparently had some counseling now, but is refusing to speak with Rolands counselor. I've told the kids that when they see their dad again, the first visit with him will be in her office, and she wants to speak to Kevin on his own before the meeting. He claims he 'can't afford the time or expense right now'. We have a Judicial Case Conference later this month where access will be discussed. I am not going to agree to access unless he follows through, at least on that. It's likely we will reach an impasse & all of it will go to trial. I suspect that once child/spousal support is resolved, his supposed desire to see the kids will drop off his radar. Two counselor appointments is $320. ...if seeing your kids after 15 months isn't worth that, it's not much of a priority, right?

So it's unlikely she's going to see her dad again, at least in the foreseeable future. I think it's just easier for her to say/think "I don't have a dad" than "My dad can't see me right now, because he's got a big problem, and he needs to get help before he can see me, and it's taking a long, long time." I have been reminding her, in private, whenever this occurs... it just seems like she isn't interested in hearing she has a dad anymore. Maybe pretending he doesn't exist is more comforting than wondering when he'll be back? It's like she's just over & done with the whole thing... but then I think 'what if he *does* manage to pull it together enough to get access?' If I let her settle into the mindset that she doesn't have a dad, isn't that going to make seeing him again more difficult?

So, what have you guys done? How do you talk about an absent parent? How do you give them stability and comfort when you can't predict the other parents actions?
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
9:31 am
[mazz]
Revoked parental rights. WIN FOR ME!
So, I have been for the past 5 years of my daughters life trying to get it so her father couldn't fight for custody.
The only reason he'd do so would be to hurt me. He has no intention on supporting her in any way and only wants to make me upset or hurt(before I had Angel he took my dog to the humane society because he felt I loved her more than him, which was true).
He isn't capable of caring for a child as he's proven drugs and himself are more important than anyone else.

Well we found the loop hole to get him from having any parental rights without having him voluntarily give them up. My dad adopted her.
It's hard to explain but I still retain my parental custody and all that. I'm still mom it's just her grandfather took the place by law of dad by adopting(the same way a guy adopts a child if he marries her mother basically).
I guess the law is also used by gay couples because it states having 2 parents is better than having one. Which means you don't have to be married for said adoption to take place.
So, yea. I left the court room when her dad was on the phone speaking to the judge but my lawyer told me that she basically told him he didn't stand a chance if he tried to fight having his rights removed.
He's in jail until 2011 but I feel better knowing him and his family can't take Angel from here.

This was mostly done because of my current fight with cancer. We were worried that if the worst does happen Angel would end up in a huge custody battle between my parents and his parents/him.
So now if the worst does happen she just stays with my dad like if he were her father.
Which is awesome, she doesn't know her sperm donors side of the family but has been living with me and my parents since she was a year old.
We're still waiting for the updated birth certificates but the paperwork we do have was enough to keep Angel on my mom's health insurance(since my dad is married to her she can stay on the health insurance) even tho they kicked me off for being too old(I didn't want to have Angel back on medicaid even tho I had to go back on it).
--

I hope that made sense. D:

Cross posted

Current Mood: accomplished
Saturday, August 30th, 2008
10:14 am
[mummoth]
Single Parents Survival Kit
What's in yours? What do you do daily/weekly that makes your life run a bit more smoothly or gives you peace of mind, or some much-needed peace and quiet?

Mine:

Household:

~I order groceries online & have them delivered. It costs $8. in my area for this service, well worth it. There's a 2 hour window for delivery time, so I spend the time I would just getting groceries into the house catching up on other chores. We eat healthier as a result of the kids not dragging me down the junk food aisle (I have a rubber arm) and me being able to get shopping done before there's nothing dinner-worthy in the house (and ordering pizza!)

~I let the kids help where they can. They unload the dishwasher! Caitlin takes things out & hands them to Roland, sitting on the counter, and he puts them in the cupboard. Nobody dies if the mug handles aren't pointing the right way!! Shocking, I know. They vacuum! It's noisy, they like it. They put their clothes away! Folding optional. They make their beds! Sort of...

~Bills! My ex always handled the finances, he said it was complicated & I'd screw it up, but it's pretty easy? For the first few months, I thought there must be part of it that I'm missing... I just stick all the payment stubs in a magnetic clip on the fridge & when I have 4, I sit down at the computer & pay them, all at once. There's one bill that is 2 weeks off from the rest, so I just pay that one along with the rest & when it comes in the mail, it's already done. It's probably not the right way to do it, but they haven't complained.

Peace:

~One of the places my mind starts to run is the playground. Then I feel like we need to go, go, go!! I need to DO something, I get anxious, impatient, ick! After we get home, I usually realize there isn't much I can do NOW anyway... so I got a bunch of books from the second hand store & I bring one with me to keep my brain occupied. We're back to our usual, which is going home when we're all hungry or it's nearly bedtime.

~I-Pod. Just tune in, turn off, drop out, drop in, switch off, switch on, and explode. The kids know when I'm listening to music, I'm unavailable for chit-chat. I use it when I'm doing something that requires my concentration, or when I'm overwhelmed.

~About once a week, I let the kids have a movie night in the living room. I skip stories & as long as they stay tucked in on their mattress on he floor, they don't have to go to bed. I usually watch with them for a bit, then go take some time for myself. They don't know it, but movie night is usually an early bedtime :D


I'm sloooooowly getting more organized. A few weeks ago, I learned that I ought to have a stash of fairy loot hidden somewhere, when my 6-year old went on a wiggling frenzy to get a tooth out that I'd been counted on staying in his mouth for a few more days. I had to dig into his school supplies (that thankfully, I did buy early!) to make a batch of slime for him. When he got up in the morning, there was a ziploc baggie of 'fairy snot' under his pillow. He LOVED it! But I'd rather not have to scramble to think something up at the end of the day again.
Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
8:55 pm
[mummoth]
Hi, I'm new!

I'm Resa, single mom since June 7th/2007. I have 2 kids, Roland is 6 & Caitlin is 4. I have sole guardianship & custody. There is currently a no-contact order in place on my ex, and he's serving an 18 month suspended sentence for assaulting Roland. He's been taking legal steps to be able to see the kids, but also refusing to visit Rolands counselor, isn't taking any responsibility for what happened, and generally behaving in ways that indicate he isn't remorseful. I've decided to stay home with the kids until Caitlin starts grade 1, then go to school too. I think I want to be an ASL translator.

In the mean time, the kids & I are doing great! They're set to start grade 1 & preschool and I'm ready to have a few hours a week to drag my ass to the gym. We're moving in October, out of the family home, as it's going up for sale. The kids have lived here their whole lives (they were even born here!) so it's going to be a new experience for them. So far, Rolands only concern seems to be whether or not we'll have cable at the new place, because we don't have it right now. We had a fun summer... my parents took us to their cabin for Canada Day weekend & I set up a tent in our backyard so we could camp out. They took swimming lessons & loved it! Here they are at the local amusement park, on the kiddie coaster (that I was too chicken shit to ride with them):

Photobucket

I look forward to getting to know you all!
[ << Previous 20 -- Next 20 >> ]
About LiveJournal.com